Party Like It's 1984
by Arctic Banana
Summary: The Autobots invite the Decepticons to a New Year's Eve party. Starscream becomes suspicious about what they might be up to. The other 'Cons just want to have fun.
1. Party Like It's 1984

I'll admit, this part was rushed. There was more that I wanted to do with it, but my sister kept hassling me while I was trying to write it. Thanks a lot, sis!

P.S. I have the same exact Slipknot ringtone as Barricade. It's fun for when people call me during quiet moments. Like that one time I went to a funeral with a friend of mine and forgot that my phone was in my pocket...

* * *

Starscream ended the transmission feeling somewhat disturbed. Those Autobots were up to something, but what? Confused, he sent a transmission via the terminal to the boot camp where Barricade and Blackout were assigned to train recruits. Barricade was the one who answered. "Barricade, I need you and…" There was an explosion followed by screaming coming from somewhere nearby where the terminal Barricade was using was located. "Um… What was that?"

"Blackout and I were playing Minesweeper last night, when we had a power outage. So, we're playing real-life Minesweeper with the rookies to fill that void," Barricade explained.

There was another explosion. "Oh my god, he's dead!" one of the recruits started screaming.

"But the power's obviously back on… Why continue doing it this way?" Starscream asked.

"Screamer, you cannot deny how frigging awesome this is! It's a million times more fun than Extreme Solitaire!" Another explosion splattered Barricade with mech fluids. "It's somewhat messier, though."

"My legs! Somebody help me reattach my legs!"

"So, are you gonna tell me why you called, or can I get back to tormenting…um…I mean…training the recruits?" Barricade asked impatiently.

"The Autobots sent me a disturbing transmission. How soon can you both get back here?" Starscream replied.

"Hmm… I don't know… Hold on a sec." He turned to face somewhere off screen. "Hey Blackout! How many recruits do we got left?!"

"13!" Blackout called back.

Barricade looked back at the terminal. "Yeah, it shouldn't take long."

There was another explosion. Body parts rained down on Barricade. "No! He was just a kid! What are we gonna tell his mother?!"

"Hurry back. I'll explain when you get here."

"Okie dokie, then."

Before Barricade could turn off the terminal and severe the transmission, there was another explosion. "WHY ARE THESE MINES EVEN HERE?!" someone screamed.

* * *

"Alright Screamer, what is it this time?" Blackout asked in an annoyed tone.

"This had better be pretty freaking important! It's cutting into my naptime!" Bonecrusher growled. "I get cranky when I don't get any sleep!"

"I take it he doesn't sleep much then?" Barricade whispered to Brawl.

"The Autobots…"

"_I am a world before I am a man/I was a creature before I could stand/I will remember before I forget/Before I forget that…"_ Barricade noticed everybody was staring at him and quickly answered his cell phone.

"Hey, Bumblebee… Look, can I call you back later? This really isn't the best time… Okay… Bye… What?" He paused and gave the phone a weird look. "Iloveyoutoo…" he said as quickly as possible before hanging up. "Sorry…"

Starscream shook his head and continued what he was saying. "The Autobots sent us a transmission… Apparently they want to invite us to a party…" Although Starscream considered this bad, everyone else failed to see what was so horrible about that.

"Really? I love parties!" Barricade said happily.

Blackout nudged him. "Yeah, we know. You started a mosh pit at the last one we went to."

"That's what's so disturbing?" Brawl cocked his head.

"And your point?" Bonecrusher asked.

Starscream face-palmed. "Don't you get it? The Autobots must be up to something! They probably want to get us out of the base so they can sneak inside!" Everyone else stared back at him with disinterest.

"I thought the base was impenetrable, though?" Brawl pointed out. "There's like, six layers of security they need to get through before they can get inside. What will it matter if we're here or not?"

They all looked down when a human randomly walked into the room holding a package. "I've got the complete KoRn discography for a Mr. Bonecrusher," he said.

"That's me," Bonecrusher replied.

"Sign here please…" Bonecrusher signed a clipboard and took the box from him. "Thank you."

Everyone stared at him. "What? I like KoRn. No one else understands me like they do."

"That's why. The back door's unguarded," Starscream sighed.

"Why have six layers of security in the front and nothing in the back? That's really stupid…" Blackout stated.

"Yeah, Screamer, it doesn't make much sense," Brawl agreed.

Starscream was about to say something in response and paused. "Yeah… You're right, actually…"

"Why don't we just put the guard dog out?" Blackout suggested.

"The guard dog? But she's a killer… What if she turns on us?" Brawl shivered.

"Is there any other way?" Everyone was silent, yet fearful. "Let's give it a try, then…"

* * *

The Decepticons all stood their distance while they watched Barricade struggle at pushing the crate out into the backyard. The words, "Danger! Rabid dog!" were written on the side in blood. Once Barricade had the crate positioned where he needed it, he used a stick and undid the latch. He took off running when the side fell off, revealing an eight-month-old Pomeranian puppy wearing a collar that said "Waffle" on it. The puppy saw Barricade running and bounded off after him, yipping and trying to give him kisses.

"Run, Barricade! She's gaining on you!" Blackout screamed.

"I'm trying!!" Barricade cried. He dove over the fence and climbed up Blackout's side, shivering as he clung to his rotor mount. Waffle sat down on the other side of the fence, yipped twice, and scratched her head with her hind leg. "Please don't make me do that again! I thought she was gonna do bad things to me!" Barricade whimpered.

"It's okay, Cade," Blackout replied, holding his shaking form and patting him gently on the head. "You're safe, now."

"Alright, now that the guard dog is in place, maybe we should go find out what the Autobots are up to," Starscream said. He suddenly noticed that no one was paying attention to him. They were all surrounding and comforting Barricade. He screamed to get their attention. "Let's go!"

"Oh, yeah… Right…" "Hold on, we're coming!" "Where are we going again?"

* * *

"You guys wanted this party! The least you could do is help out in setting it up!" Prowl snapped.

Jazz and Bumblebee sat on the couch eating M&M's and playing Bioshock. "Man, these M&M's are bootleg… Some of them are W's," Jazz said, looking through the bowl.

"Jazz, I'm lost… Where am I supposed to go for that Big Daddy voice-thing?" Bumblebee asked. There was a metallic clink as Prowl chucked a roll of tape at Jazz.

Jazz rubbed his head and glared at Prowl. "What? What did I do?"

"A little help would be nice!"

There was a knock at the door. Trying his hardest to avoid having to help, Jazz jumped up and sprung for the door. "I got it! I got it!"

* * *

"I hope Frenzy and Scorponok are okay by themselves," Barricade said as they waited by the door.

"Poor Scorponok… He's not used to being by himself… He's probably so lonely right now…" Blackout added.

_**Meanwhile…**_Scorponok was on a romantic candlelight date with a pink bow-wearing female of his species. Frenzy brought them a plate of spaghetti and they reenacted the famous _Lady and the Tramp_ kiss.

"It's spark-breaking just thinking about it," he sniffed.

The door opened just as Starscream was warning Barricade not to start any mosh pits this time. Jazz smiled when he saw who it was. "Hey! I didn't think you guys were coming!"

"Hi, Barricade!" Bumblebee called from where he was playing Bioshock. Barricade waved back.

"So… What is the nature of this party that you invited us to?" Starscream asked suspiciously.

"It's New Year's, dude. I just thought you guys might want to come over for a bit, since you likely don't have anything else to do," Jazz shrugged.

"And what are we supposed to do?" Blackout asked.

"Eat, get drunk, and pass out somewhere on the floor."

"I like this holiday already," Barricade said, pushing past Jazz and diving onto the couch with Bumblebee. He started eating some of the M&M's that he spilled when the bowl bounced up and landed on his head. "Wow, these are some bootleg M&M's you got here…"

"Well, come in! Don't just stand outside in the cold!" Jazz invited, stepping aside. Starscream gave him a look that said, "I'm watching you!" before going in.

Sunstreaker put on Sevendust, causing Barricade to smile mischievously. "MOSH PIT!!"

"Oh no…" Starscream groaned as he got trampled in the ensuing mosh pit.

* * *

Starscream shook off while Ratchet got him an ice pack for his head. So far, Barricade seemed to be trying to murder him, but surprisingly, the Autobots didn't do anything out of the ordinary. Yet, anyway. He kept his guard up just in case.

He really didn't like this party… The Autobots had horrible taste in music, and the songs his Decepticon companions were requesting weren't that great either (what the hell kind of a name is "Trivium" for a band, anyway?). He couldn't get anywhere near the food table because Sideswipe was guarding it aggressively. He required a random password to get near it, one which few seemed to know (what seemed most likely was that they just guessed a random word, and if he liked it, he let them get something to eat). The awful sounds coming from the stereo were countered by the awful sounds coming from the video games that Bumblebee was playing on their gynormous television.

"Everything alright, Starscream?" Ratchet asked, slapping the ice pack on his head.

"No," he grumbled. "The only thing getting me through this party is knowing that Bonecrusher is having a worse time than me."

"WHOOO!!"

"What the hell?!" Starscream looked over and saw Bonecrusher crowd surfing. "Is everybody a freak but me?!"

"I doubt that, Princess," Ratchet said as he walked away.

"Play a KoRn song!" Bonecrusher called as he continued crowd surfing. To Starscream's horror (mostly because he happened to be standing next to a speaker), Jazz put on Wake Up Hate for Bonecrusher and blasted it.

"Oh sure, play the loudest song they ever made!" he complained.

"Oh, I'm sure we can find louder…" Sunstreaker countered, looking through the CD's for something loud enough to piss Starscream off.

"Ooh, try Killing!" Jazz suggested. "That one's got death metal in it!"

"I like death metal!" Bonecrusher called from somewhere.

"Wow… Bonecrusher actually likes something. Who knew?" Blackout shrugged.

* * *

"Hey, Cade… Ya drunk yet?" Brawl slurred, leaning against Barricade when he was too dizzy to sit upright.

"Not yet… But I'll be there shortly," Barricade replied, drinking another high grade. "Hey, Bumblebee, pass me some of those bootleg M&M's."

"What abou' Eminem?" Jazz asked drunkenly from where he was laying across the top of the couch. He rolled over and fell on top of them, spilling Barricade's high grade on himself and sending the spilled M&M's flying. "Oops…"

"Shh, guys, I'm trying to watch the movie," Arcee said. She continued to stare at the static-y television. Bumblebee was passed out with his head in her lap.

"Wow, this party really got out of hand…" Optimus said, watching the remaining Autobots pass out in random places. He looked over to his left and noticed that Blackout somehow managed to pass out standing upright.

"Yeah, well… Happy New Year's," Ironhide replied from his chosen resting place in the middle of the floor.

"I'm not sure I'm gonna have enough medication for all their hangovers," Ratchet sighed. "Especially yours," he said to Ironhide.

Starscream noticed that Sideswipe had fallen asleep and tried to get something to eat. "Password?!" Sideswipe said, waking up fast. Starscream debated what to do a moment, snatched a cupcake, and ran while the red Lamborghini chased after him. The mechs on the floor weren't too happy with being stepped on and tripped over as they bolted across the room.

"I have a feeling that it's going to be very quiet around here tomorrow," Optimus said before turning around to go to bed.

"Shh… I'm trying to watch the movie," Arcee called after him.

* * *

_No, that's not it! There's still one more part. Happy New Year's, ya'll!_


	2. Intermission

This whole intermission is sort of an in-joke between me and a select group of friends. I had them all email me with questions that I could use for it.

I'm working on part 2 now. I'll hopefully have it up by no later than tonight.

* * *

"Hi! I'm Barricade, and this is my Autobot buddy, Bumblebee!" Barricade said. "I'll bet you're wondering what happens next in the story. Banana would love to tell you, but she didn't get it written yet on account of her cow of a sister wouldn't let her have the computer until just now! So, here's a little something for you to read until then." He turned in the beanbag chair he was sitting in to face Bumblebee. "Care to take over, Bumblebee?"

"You probably remember us from the hit movie, Transformers," Bumblebee began. "Some of you because you thought it was totally awesome…and others because you never stop complaining about how it raped your childhood. Like most celebrities, we tend to get a lot of fan mail. But along with fan mail, we also receive a lot of questions. We figured we'd take a moment to answer a few of these questions."

"Oh, and to the 2 million+ fangirls who asked me to marry them, sorry, but I don't do interspecies relationships," Barricade interrupted. "Besides, I'm already happily in a relationship."

"Try three," Bumblebee said sardonically.

"Shh! One of my girlfriends is in the other room!" Barricade whispered loudly, glancing to the door to make sure she didn't hear him. He pulled out a laptop and pushed a few buttons on it, bringing up their email account. "Well anyway, first question…"

Bumblebee leaned over and read the email. "Brittany in Fresno, California asks, "What do giant robots like to do when they get bored?" Well Brittany, I like to surf the Internet. I've got this wicked awesome Myspace page going on."

"Of which Tom and Jazz are your only friends," Barricade interrupted. Bumblebee glared at him and swatted him in the head. "As for me, I like to watch TV with Frenzy. Robot Chicken and South Park are my favorite shows," Barricade replied. "Next email… Bryan in Easton, Pennsylvania asks, "Do robots have porn?" Pff, well duh! Any advanced civilization that has some concept of sex has porn!"

"I must say though, it's not quite as interesting as human porn," Bumblebee interjected. A long pause followed. "Uh, I mean, not that I've ever seen any of it, it's just…" He noticed the awkward glance from Barricade. "You know what, let's go on to the next question…" He quickly opened an email. "Jennifer in Seattle, Washington asks if Barricade…um… Oh wow… It seems that Barricade's got another fan…" Barricade leaned over and read the email. "Barricade? Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm okay. Frightened. Sickened. Strangely aroused. But okay nonetheless," he nodded. "Next…"

"Okay… Jason of London, England asks, "What is the meaning of life?" Well Jason…"

"3."

Bumblebee looked over at Barricade. "3?"

"3," he nodded.

"Okay, then, Jason. It appears that the meaning of life is "3". What that means, only Barricade knows." Bumblebee went back to the laptop. "We have one more here for Barricade." He passed the laptop to Barricade.

"Alright, let's see… "Barricade, when are you going to pay child support, you lazy son of a…" Dammit, how does she keep finding me?!" Barricade snapped the laptop shut.

"Well, we're out of time for today… Say goodbye, Barricade!" Bumblebee smiled.

"Goodbye, Barricade!" Barricade replied.


	3. Hangover Day

Forgive me for making you wait so long. I had this chapter already written last night and was going to have it up this morning. When I finally got control of the computer and went to submit it, I realized...something went wrong and it didn't save the whole thing. There were only three paragraphs left. DX

The intermission was written long ago (I like to come prepared...), so all I had to do was change up a few things, and it was ready to be submitted to keep you busy until I finished this. So...this means that this chapter is rushed as well. It isn't nearly as long or funny as the part I had stayed up all night to write last night, and the only way I could make the damn thing extend longer than 2 pages was by going through all the half-written stories I had stored on my computer and carving them up for jokes. Since a lot of the jokes were copied and pasted from other stories, expect to see slipshod patchwork. Primus, this is not my best work. =P

Also, since it's a new year, I added a really long note. It's the part before the story in italics.

**EDIT:** I upped the rating slightly due to Barricade's mouth.

* * *

_**Warning: Long-ass tangent to follow.**_

_Looking back on this year, I've noticed how much I've evolved as a writer. My works have been getting longer and wordier. I actually like most of the stuff I submit (in the past, I generally started to hate my submissions a week or so later). Stuff that I write actually has a plot._

_I remember I first got into writing Transformers fanfiction back in late March/early April after reading a few fanfictions out of boredom. Believe it or not, the first TF fanfiction that I ever read was _SLASH_. The fact that it was BarricadexBlackout kind of influenced the on/off friendship between the two in my stories, as well as Blackout and Barricade's rare joke humorously implying a possible love connection between the two. It's also one of the inspirations for making one of my OC's (Sniper) gay. Fortunately for those of you who read my crap that don't read slash, Sniper is the only one in my stories interested in anyone of the same gender (Barricade is sometimes iffy, though, Blackout, maybe). Slash isn't really my thing when I write. I've tried it. I don't think I'm good at it. Therefore I never post it (aside from one story, although like the aforementioned implications, it was meant to be taken as a joke)._

_Now, I'd like to thank my two biggest inspirations for writing. First, there's my sister. Whether she intends to or not, she gives me most of my ideas. Some of the jokes I use, I get from her. Not to mention, she does these wicked hilarious impressions of the Decepticons. Her Scorponok voice has me dying everytime, especially the way she says, "Aww! My toupee!" (_Showing Off_ reference) Unfortunately, because of her, I have to keep my Barricade and Bumblebee toys separated from each other to avoid the lewd comments about gay robot sex. XD_

_And then there's _YOU_. You, as in anyone who's ever read and/or reviewed my stories. When I first joined this site and put up my first two fanfics, I expected no one to bother reading them. This led to my near-fatal heart attack when there were reviews the very next morning. XD If it weren't for you guys reading, reviewing, sending PM's, offering constructive criticism, etc. I probably would have lost interest in writing fanfiction within a month. So therefore, I am sincere when I say thank you. Thank you for putting up with my horrible writing skills long enough for me to improve and write something worth reading. =)_

_It's been a very fun year of writing. Here's to a new year, and with it, the new ideas, new readers, several new CD's that I've been looking forward to for a long time, and a new Transformers movie to base my fanfictions off of._

_Happy Hangover Day, everyone!_

* * *

Sometime around 4am, the last of the partygoers dropped like zombies. It looked almost like the scene of a massacre with the way everyone was passed out in random places, except instead of blood on everything, it was spilled high grade and vomit.

Optimus and Prowl woke up at their usual time of 5am and decided to take that time to begin cleanup. Optimus dragged some of the mechs out of the center of the floor while Prowl gathered up some of the scattered CD's from the floor (as they got drunker, the others just started tossing Jazz's CD's in random places rather than putting them back nicely).

Prowl looked over one of the CD's. "They spelled "corn" wrong…" Optimus paused what he was doing and stared at him. "No really! Look, the "R" isn't even facing the right way!"

"Hey guys."

They both jumped, causing Prowl to drop the CD's he was holding, and Optimus to drop Ironhide on his head. "Sideswipe, why aren't you passed out like everyone else?" Optimus asked.

"I didn't drink anything last night. That way I can do this…" Before they could stop him, he ran through the room banging on a pot with a metal spoon and screaming, "Happy Hangover Day!" Everyone woke up pissy and threw anything they could find nearby at him. Fortunately for Sideswipe, none of them had good aim while suffering a hangover. Unfortunately for Sideswipe, Sunstreaker was an expert at mastering hangovers and quickly got over his in time to chase him all over the base.

Sideswipe ran past the other way with his brother hot up his tailpipe. "I REGRET NOTHING!"

"Now that you're up, can we go home now?" Starscream asked impatiently.

"No…" Barricade groaned. "Unless you want to carry us all…" Jazz was still lying across him and Brawl. He hadn't moved since he rolled onto them the night before.

Somewhere across the room, Bonecrusher rolled off of the table he was napping on and landed hard on top of Wheeljack. "Mmph… Bonecrusher, get off…" Wheeljack grumbled weakly, trying to push him off.

"Why does my head hurt a lot more than it should?" Ironhide asked, sitting up slowly. Blackout tipped over and fell on top of him.

"Sideswipe, unlock the damn door!!" Sunstreaker screamed, pounding on the hallway closet door.

"Put down the belt sander and tell me you love me, first!" Sideswipe said from the other side.

"Shh…I'm trying to watch the movie," Arcee mumbled, half asleep.

"Make the noise stop…" Bumblebee groaned.

* * *

"Doctor, what is the diagnosis?" the nurse asked as dramatic music sounded.

The doctor spun around, holding a Twister board. "Right foot green!" The dramatic music sounded again.

"It's worse than I expected!" the nurse gasped while more dramatic music sounded.

The TV channel changed. "We now return to X-TREME TYPEWRITING!!!"

A man pounded on a typewriter and quickly spun around in his chair. "TIME!! How'd I do?!"

"6,128 words per minute!!" the coach replied.

"Dammit!! That's 2 words less than last time!!"

The channel switched again to reveal a bunch of people running in circles with their arms extended, making airplane noises. In the background, one of them ran into a tree. Somewhere off screen, someone screamed, "Soylent Green is _people!!_"

"We will return to "Stupid People Doing Something Stupid" after these messages!" the announcer said.

Barricade changed the channel. "Damn, these TV shows blow worse than Blackout's girlfriend!"

Blackout suddenly turned to glare at him from his spot on the couch. "And how would you know that?"

Barricade realized that he'd said something stupid and potentially fatal and quickly tried to change the subject. "Well…um…you know…I… Oh look, a documentary!!"

"You are watching, "When Caterpillars Attack!" only on the Discovery Channel." The camera cut to a shot of a person screaming while someone held a caterpillar up to the camera to make it look bigger than it really was. It switched to a baby crying while a caterpillar inched its way across the baby's high chair. Finally, there was a shot of a caterpillar eating a leaf while the leaf screamed in a chipmunk-like voice.

"Now can we go?" Starscream asked.

"NO!" the Decepticons all screamed at him in unison.

"Geez, you guys don't have to be so snappy about it."

"Stop screaming," Jazz requested from the couch. He rolled over and covered his head.

"No, seriously Barricade, how do you know that?" Barricade averted his optics.

Barricade and Bonecrusher both sat by the coffee table, drinking the liquid that Ratchet had given them. Barricade got hungry and ate M&M's that he found on the floor. Sideswipe started absentmindedly tapping on his glass, creating a loud clinking noise. The Decepticons both glared at him. "Sorry…"

Starscream sat on the end of the couch and sulked while the other four tried to get over their hangovers. Blackout seemed about ready to shoot Barricade with laser vision, and Barricade was trying to hide behind Bonecrusher.

"Hey, where's Brawl?" Bonecrusher asked.

"You've been sitting on me for the past half-hour," Brawl replied.

"Oh, so that's why the floor felt so sharp and pointy?" Bonecrusher bounced up and down on him a few times.

Barricade was lucky that he was sitting next to a very cranky Bonecrusher. Blackout could hold high grade better than he could due to his large size and hadn't drunk as much as Barricade had. He'd have no problem chasing him through the Autobot base, trying to kill him. Bonecrusher was scary enough when sober. He was quite terrifying when he was hung over. Blackout likely wouldn't try anything while the Mustang was cowering behind him.

"Can we go now?" Starscream asked.

"Yes… Let's…" Blackout agreed. "Waffle might need feeding…"

Barricade tapped on Jazz's leg. "Can I crash at your place tonight?" he asked. Jazz swatted his hand away and went back to sleep.

* * *

Some time later…

Blackout walked past Bonecrusher's door where he could hear KoRn blasting from the other side and made his way to Barricade's room and knocked on the door. "Are you still hiding from me? Cade, I'm already over that, it was four months ago."

"Barricade is not here. Please leave a message after I utter an offensive profanity: Fuck off," Barricade said from the other side.

Blackout shrugged and went to find Scorponok. "Hey, Scorpy, I'm ordering pizza, what do you want on…" He paused when he heard a knock on the front door. "Who could that be?"

"Blackout, could you answer that?" Starscream called from the other room.

Blackout went and answered the door to find a pink, bow-wearing female scavenger with about a dozen or so babies with her. "SCORPONOK!"


End file.
